Mummy and Daddy decide baby is no longer a baby and must have a room that both reflects new grown up status and rewards all round bravery and school report of wondrous excellence that made Mummy cry and Daddy wonder out loud if said child belonged to them.
Mummy discusses matter over milky tea with baby who is a boy and is told in no uncertain terms that under no circumstances must anything be changed, or moved, or heaven forbid it, binned, but he will welcome the purchase of over-large portrait of The Three Ages of Woman by Gustav Klimt, if man who is handy with a drill will hang it over his bed for him. Mummy refuses to purchase said image on grounds of extortionate price and falls victim to tantrum of obscene proportions after which deal is struck that a) Mummy will not force upon child : scary duvet covers, cartoon pictures of anything, or a new rug. And that b) Mummy will not take down anything already attached to walls nor (upon pain of death) paint over his birds.
Child goes to sleep and Mummy crawls around in the darkness snaffling broken plastic wot nots into a bin bag, then rings estranged Daddy to report results of negotiation. Argument breaks out. Daddy who doesn't live in house has very strong opinions. Mummy pulls tongues at him down the phone and resolves to go her own sweet way.
Child goes to school and Mummy goes shopping for items that will not compromise existing decoration nor offend child's peculiarly adult taste. Debates aesthetically pleasing vintage style tin reproductions of Spider man covers circa 1950 but realize they break no-cartoon clause and shuffles back to square one. Buys
Tomorrow is a Lovely Day print, blue gingham Laura Ashley rug, bookcase, small table, inoffensive duvet cover and cushion. Resists floral elephant (adorable) doorstop Nana says is deeply inappropriate. And
girly.
Mummy arranges for Daddy to come perform miracles. Sets child up with DS and a tray of treats and climbs the stairs ready to do battle with crayoned walls and flat pack furniture, while she kid's herself that life after pseudo divorce is all well and oh so civilized. Soon finds herself locked in small hot room with the Missing Link , who is armed with hammer and apparently on speed. Or miserable pills. Or both. Argument breaks out. Missing Link is bolshie. Mummy is too thick to be able to judge where furniture should live till she has seen it in situ. Missing Link leaves room to dampen steam coming out of his ears. Says this is why he left! Mummy ignores childish outburst and risks life and limb debating a whole new arrangement of furniture. Daddy drags bed across room and child comes up to investigate goings on. Child has fit because precious rabbits have been moved to make way for bookcase. Says he's leaving and going to live in Kath's house. Daddy very, very cross at ungrateful child and imbecile Mother. Daddy drags bookcase across floor and snaps off Bunny Rabbit two's tail. Mummy loses the plot and has to control violence in her fingertips. Child screams and adds to all round mayhem. Mummy wonders what she ever saw in Missing Link. Nana is called to remove child to safe place so estranged parents can kill each other in peace.
Calm is restored when suitable arrangement of furniture is established. Mummy paints and Daddy drills and swear under his breath just like old times. Room comes together in a snap. Daddy goes downstairs singing and comes back carrying cheese doorstops and strawberry shortbread on coordinating crockery. Mummy recognizes Baby plate and long lost Charles and Diana mug as apology of sorts. She will not however concede that bald head and thirty seven years on the planet make him a suitable partner for a twenty two year old girl. Arranges photograph of said bald head on noticeboard so she can throw darts at it later.
Tea tastes
bitter.
Child returns home and wants to know how we can be sure tomorrow will be a lovely day? Mummy and Daddy cheer because child who insists he cannot read, read it all by himself. Child fails to see the joke and fleetingly wears hunted look as if from now he will be relied upon to read The Times...
Dove's fly, rabbits run, and pear shaped family lives to see another day.
Mummy and Daddy decide baby is no longer a baby and must have a room that both reflects new grown up status and rewards all round bravery and school report of wondrous excellence that made Mummy cry and Daddy wonder out loud if said child belonged to them.
Mummy discusses matter over milky tea with baby who is a boy and is told in no uncertain terms that under no circumstances must anything be changed, or moved, or heaven forbid it, binned, but he will welcome the purchase of over-large portrait of The Three Ages of Woman by Gustav Klimt, if man who is handy with a drill will hang it over his bed for him. Mummy refuses to purchase said image on grounds of extortionate price and falls victim to tantrum of obscene proportions after which deal is struck that a) Mummy will not force upon child : scary duvet covers, cartoon pictures of anything, or a new rug. And that b) Mummy will not take down anything already attached to walls nor (upon pain of death) paint over his birds.
Child goes to sleep and Mummy crawls around in the darkness snaffling broken plastic wot nots into a bin bag, then rings estranged Daddy to report results of negotiation. Argument breaks out. Daddy who doesn't live in house has very strong opinions. Mummy pulls tongues at him down the phone and resolves to go her own sweet way.
Child goes to school and Mummy goes shopping for items that will not compromise existing decoration nor offend child's peculiarly adult taste. Debates aesthetically pleasing vintage style tin reproductions of Spider man covers circa 1950 but realize they break no-cartoon clause and shuffles back to square one. Buys Tomorrow is a Lovely Day print, blue gingham Laura Ashley rug, bookcase, small table, inoffensive duvet cover and cushion. Resists floral elephant (adorable) doorstop Nana says is deeply inappropriate. And girly.
Mummy arranges for Daddy to come perform miracles. Sets child up with DS and a tray of treats and climbs the stairs ready to do battle with crayoned walls and flat pack furniture, while she kid's herself that life after pseudo divorce is all well and oh so civilized. Soon finds herself locked in small hot room with the Missing Link , who is armed with hammer and apparently on speed. Or miserable pills. Or both. Argument breaks out. Missing Link is bolshie. Mummy is too thick to be able to judge where furniture should live till she has seen it in situ. Missing Link leaves room to dampen steam coming out of his ears. Says this is why he left! Mummy ignores childish outburst and risks life and limb debating a whole new arrangement of furniture. Daddy drags bed across room and child comes up to investigate goings on. Child has fit because precious rabbits have been moved to make way for bookcase. Says he's leaving and going to live in Kath's house. Daddy very, very cross at ungrateful child and imbecile Mother. Daddy drags bookcase across floor and snaps off Bunny Rabbit two's tail. Mummy loses the plot and has to control violence in her fingertips. Child screams and adds to all round mayhem. Mummy wonders what she ever saw in Missing Link. Nana is called to remove child to safe place so estranged parents can kill each other in peace.
Calm is restored when suitable arrangement of furniture is established. Mummy paints and Daddy drills and swear under his breath just like old times. Room comes together in a snap. Daddy goes downstairs singing and comes back carrying cheese doorstops and strawberry shortbread on coordinating crockery. Mummy recognizes Baby plate and long lost Charles and Diana mug as apology of sorts. She will not however concede that bald head and thirty seven years on the planet make him a suitable partner for a twenty two year old girl. Arranges photograph of said bald head on noticeboard so she can throw darts at it later.
Tea tastes bitter.
Child returns home and wants to know how we can be sure tomorrow will be a lovely day? Mummy and Daddy cheer because child who insists he cannot read, read it all by himself. Child fails to see the joke and fleetingly wears hunted look as if from now he will be relied upon to read The Times...
Dove's fly, rabbits run, and pear shaped family lives to see another day.
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23 comments:
I loved the pictures that accompanied your post!!
I was trying to find your Amazon "favorites" (I am looking for some spices you had listed)--is there a link here? TIA!!
:)
Hi Katherine, hope you are ok Hon... now did you mean the puttery treats store...
http://astore.amazon.com/brocantehome03-20
or the book store?
http://astore.amazon.com/brocantehome-20
Hope this helps... and thanks for the comment about the pics.. I was hoping to be able to talk Finn into doing a little video tour...but he was having none of it!x
Hi Alison and Finn! It is such a lovely room! I think it just the perfect-est place for a boy to grow up.
. . . I love it! . . . and I love Mummy's innate sense of the exact amount of change that will be welcomed but not too much, as to make the little inhabitant uneasy. . . and especially, Finn's amazing ability to express his needs! Really! Don't you think that's amazing?
. . .and one more thing . . . he's reading! How wonderful! He is precocious! Except that now there will be no more spelling secret messages in his presence! Best of luck with that!
Thank you for your sweet greeting, Alison! I am having the loveliest day!
~Affectionately, Debbi
Beautiful photos. I love your honesty of the "missing link" and glad you have moved on!!
Love the doves on the walls!
And damn girl ... you have made me pee my pants yet again with your hilarious description of the whole event.
Thank you so much for your quick response!! It is the puttery treats store (the ginger, lime, and rose petals spice grinder!)--I am going to be sure and bookmark it now.
Have a wonderful week!
:)
What a generous intimate peek that reminds me of various parallels within my own walls. You make me feel close to you; Related in sisterly way, bonded as common women, mothers. You are a delight. I look forward to days like this when you open your gates. Thank you.
How fabulous!love the poster and oh flatpack furniture!the krypton factor in a box!love it!take no notice of the missing link,they are all easily upset at this sort of thing.xx
I love, love LOVE those rabbits! PLease let slip from whence they came........???!!???
Oh Sasha I'm so sorry, I bought them seven years ago in T.K. Maxx...and don't hold out much hope for finding them again...
I always enjoy the way you write about your life and this post made me chuckle. I could just imagine all the man fuss taking place! I love the Tomorrow print and would like to get one for myself. I have only managed to find one version of it online but was wondering if you could tell me which 'real' shop you bought it from? Many thanks.
Anita it was £15.00 from Au Naturel of all places...
The Missing Link! You're kinder in describing your ex than I'll ever be in describing mine.
Glad the homicide squad didn't have to be called and Finn's room got made over. Eventually!
Bless ya!
Ali
Oh I loved this! ...And Gustav Klimt??!! You have a little art connoisseur there!
Oh my, what a delightful room. I Love those rabbits!!! Thank you so much for sharing the pics.
LOVED this post...you're just so funny :o) Great description of 'missing link', had me in fits of laughter! Finn's a lucky boy to have you as his mummy and his room looks perfect xxx
Love the blog and the photos!
Helen xx
After falling off chair laughing and rolling on floor in helpless unstoppable bursts of geyser like guffaw, I am now back on my chair and trying to convince my husband of 30+ years that I am not having an "episode" of any kind. You are absolutely one of the funniest women I have the great pleasure of reading.
The room is wonderful Alison and congrats to Finn on his recognitions at school and his newly made over room.
Familiar things and routines are important to children of all ages and Finn is no exception...there is comfort in the tried and true, be it friends, a good book, a favorite piece of music, or the room that is our little haven.
Wishing you both a very good weekend.
I'm surprised that you even called Missing Link to participate, regardless of the need. I was always too stuborn to admit that I needed my missing link's help in any form.
My oldest wants more than just his decor changed. He's ready to move out. Just waiting on those darn funds. *sigh* I can't believe I've gone through all this, for all these years, and THIS is what it's all for?!
And, really, 37 and 22??? He's dilusional. You are lovely!!
Blessings... Polly
I came here via Cybill who said you had a great blog...she's right! Love that your son has such individual tastes, he sounds great! And your ex? Missing link? Perhaps we were both married to the same man...I laughed out loud at your descriptions of him - thank you!
I'd forgotten how much I loved reading you, Alison. What a treat! I can relate to much/all that you've written about relating to a Missing Link.
I'm off to catch up on what you've been up to.
Kerry xoxo
Oh Kerry, how wonderful to hear from you!!x
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