Goodness. This combination of title and image is going to have you thinking that what follows is a outraged treatise on the immorality of what I suppose amounts to vintage porn. But look how beautiful she is! And more than that- look at that lovely wallpaper! At that wall to wall carpet of the kind that would be taken up and occasionally battered with one of those pretty curly rug sticks, whose name, for the moment evades me.

Heavens I have wandered completely off subject! If we were taking a walk I'd have us thoroughly lost in the forest and at the mercy of mean wolves and bogeymen by now. You see what I really wanted to share was the little piece of loveliness that lands in my in-box every morning from TUT, otherwise known as my very own message from the universe....

"Alison, your "ship" was spotted off the coast this morning, slipping silently through the fog. Coming around the cape, she appeared in a shaft of sunlight and what a sight to see! Glimmering as much as the ocean herself. Massive and beautiful beyond belief. Laden with treasures, happy times, friends, love, and laughter.

This week, though, you must prepare for her arrival. You must make space in your life for her gifts, before she heads back out to sea.

Your first mate always,

The Universe..."

Now I've never been one for spiritual mumbo jumbo and I have plenty of other nonsense filling up my inbox and sending me round the twist, but this, oh how I love this... especially seen as each message occasionally makes reference to your hearts desires... in my case a bigger garden and a smaller bum!

It's wonderful. And it has got absolutely nothing to do with nudey vintage ladies or indeed carpet beaters (Ah! Is that what they are called?) so you are quite safe to go request your very own little ship sailing into the shore of life...

I'm off to prepare for her arrival. And then I'm going to Waitrose.