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Wednesday, 10 March 2010

Hello Darling Spring...


Spring is such a gift isn't it? We muddle our way through Winter trying to see through the blankety walls we build between ourselves and real life, cursing cold and snow and bin- men who abandon our wheelie bins on frost covered paths, and it feels as though it will go on forever. That never again will the sun make the dust dance, nor will we dare to step outside without three thermal vests and the lesser spotted Long Johns...

But no sooner are we resigned to a life rich in hot chocolate and frost bite, then lo and behold, with a flick of her glittery wand, Mother Nature banishes Winter and Spring settles upon our souls, inviting us to run to the school gates without a coat and pop into the garden three times a day to watch the buds of our chamelia unfurl before our eyes. Inviting us, most curiously, to be better than who we already are.

This morning I woke up terribly early, the gnaw of period pain interrupting a gloriously vivid dream and making it impossible to sleep. And so I tumbled out of bed, all mussy hair and ruffled white nightie and crept like the ghost of myself, down the stairs.
And there it was: Spring. Right there in my living room! She'd let herself in, all green and bright and beautiful.  The ivy wrapped around the tree outside my window suddenly alive again. The sky the kind of crisp blue only Spring can deliver. The milkman whistling and jangling and happy.

And so I sat and did nothing. Staring at the sun making patterns on my Victorian floorboards, doing nothing, reading nothing, sipping peppermint tea  and making reckless plans. Dwelling on a weekend full of sorrow for a friends loss, fear of the kind of sinister goings on that have a nearby house and it's occupants held up by knife-point, and sensing that my relationship is in jeopardy because I'm too old for living right there in the moment with no plans for tomorrow. Because without plans we are lost. Because without plans we are at the mercy of trusting every fluttery emotion, unable to wrap ourselves up in the certainty of a bigger picture, no matter how vaguely sketched. Because without plans we drift, and nobody appreciates a drifter. Because as always my Darlings I am a slave to my hormones and my emotions cannot always be trusted, no matter how lyrically I might spill them out...

It is a time for starting again, Spring isn't it? A time for shrugging off cocoons and fluttering our wings again. For getting a grip on what is and not what we hoped it might be, choosing to re-invent the same scrumptious wheel, and popping possibility like paracetamol, unhindered by the debilitating comforts of Winter and not yet exhausted by the heat of Summer.

Spring I think, is more than anything, about celebrating life: new baby bunnies, frolicking lambs and ours. Our lives! It is about saying this isn't all there is and on this, the first day of my self-declared Spring, I can go out and chase life up and down the lane! I can channel Alice and admit that I used to be much muchier, that somewhere along the way I lost my muchiness and today, today my friends I am going to hunt high and low for it, and take no nonsense and remember to be myself and see the Doctor about my twitchy eye and make lemon curd and a birthday cake for Richard with hopes for tomorrow baked right there in the topping and hang out a line full of lavender scented aprons just because I can and sweep the front path and work on the project that makes me feel giddy and resist screeching when my son's teacher fails to notice that yet again he isn't in the line of children she is supposed to be delivering safely on to the playground, and instead go into the classroom myself and get him and the coat he hasn't quite managed to pull on and issue my icy, but effective "I'm so disappointed in you again Lady" face to dear old teacher, and whisper the (probably unlikely threat) of a letter of complaint and take him home and stuff him full of love and gluten free cornflake cakes and make the damn cardboard house for the school project that has turned into an a quite hideous display of parental talent and ostentation and maybe sign myself up for a course in anger management while I'm at it?


Ah Spring. You are quite the devil aren't you? Who knew you could inspire such emotion? Muchiness ebb's and flows, but as sure as Easter eggs are chocolate, you return, and I for one, adore you.

9 comments:

Carlie said...

Yep. That's two of us. Hoorah for Spring...however tumultuously she comes. Love the perfectly apt illustration you chose. Hee hee!

And I'm sorry about Richard...hang in there. Its good to let go if its the right thing to do, even if it feels painful. Follow your heart, my dear.

Ali said...

Goodness! A friend's loss, neighbours at knife point. Whatever next? Condolences on the relationship. Committment is the bogeyman, to some people.

However, as you say, a new season, a new beginning. Here's to better and brighter!

Gena said...

Once again I applaud your utter eternal optimism Alison! " It's about saying this isnt all there is..." I feel like repeating this as my mantra! and it is so easy to become overwhelmed amidst raging hormones!one day at a time honey,spring is on the way and she brings hope........

Anonymous said...

Ahhh, Spring, so full of promises. I can relate to not being able to live in the moment, wanting plans for the future, safety, commitment. Why are some people so afraid of commitment, they fear it like the plague.
Anyway, I digress.
And I still think you should write a book. You write beautifully. Here's to you, talented lady. :)
/Sara

Rose said...

And on the other end of the world there is equal celebration in the arrival of autumn. It makes me more puttery.

Rebecca said...

Yay Spring! I was very excited about it too, even though people would moan and say "It will still be cold" and "The sunsine won't last". On the 1st of March, when I woke to sunshine steaming through my shutters everything looked better. I din't care that it's still a bit nippy or for the last two days it hasn't been as bright. The fact is, just as you say Alison, it's about new beginnings and new perspectives. Sod New Year - this is when I promise to be a better person! My personal salute was to forgo my regular Chai Tea Latte in Starbucks for a less warming and more spring-like Mocha (it's not quite Frappachino weather yet!) as a bye-bye to the hardest winter I have ever had.
I hope that spring gives you hope and luck in bundles, Alison... x

Lee said...

You have a more interesting spring than I do!

Counting Your Blessings said...

Before I met my husband I dated a really wonderful guy. We broke up, not because there was anything wrong with him but because I wanted more than a great guy who would "support" me in raising my son. I wanted a partner - someone that would be in it up to his neck with me, everyday.

When I told my friends, they thought I was nuts. They said Ron was good to me, good to my son and good looking and I should be happy. They said that I wanted a dream guy and dream guys don't exist in the real world. I knew they were right but still it knawed at me. And in the end, just before Christmas, we said goodbye. It was sad and hard but it was right.

I so hope that you and Richard ARE right but if not, it's better to say goodbye. It'll be sad and hard but right. And maybe your eye will stop twitching =)

Sending ((hugs))... Polly

laney said...

...SUNDAY MARCH 14TH...hello allison...i see that this is mother's day in england...so i am sending many blessings of joy to a funny and delightful mommy...

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